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Synchronize your sexuality and restore your emotional spark



no two people have the same level of libido at the same time. But if it's normal to crave sex more or less than your partner, it can cause cracks in your relationship and a series of complications. Both you and your partner may feel resentful for not having enough sex or for not having a close relationship, or you may feel ashamed or embarrassed for not having enough sex. Whether you want to wisely eliminate the desire on the field or learn to deal with these differences better, check these 11 common reasons and solutions to help you.

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1. Shame can cause harm, sexual shame is very common, it comes from a series of factors, from the early limited sex education to being taught that sex is evil or bad. Dr. Megan Fleming, a sex and relationship therapist in New York City, said there was no pornography or excitement. Having a partner with a higher desire can also lead to shame, especially when you feel that "sexy" or "sex" is not enough for your partner. Fleming suggested that we should be aware of our shame model so as to solve these problems. " What do you think? " She suggests asking herself. " What do you feel shameful about yourself and how? "

stretching or breathing exercises may help if shame is manifested as physical tension. If you feel emotional panic, you may benefit from therapy or mindfulness exercises. Even consciousness itself can greatly promote desire.

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2. "Bringing problems to parents"

becoming a parent can reduce many couples' desire for sex. From exhaustion and increased responsibility to hormonal changes related to childbirth and breastfeeding, sex may be the last thing you want to think about. "It's normal for women to have low libido in the first few months of childbirth, sometimes without it," Fleming said. Women often feel exhausted at the end of the day, rather than seeing the time to relax with their partner as an opportunity for connection and physical pleasure, and they often feel as if there's something else to get out of them, rather than something they might get as well. " A new dad may experience a similar loss of libido, especially if he struggles in the sleep department or takes on a lot of childcare responsibilities. Remember to prioritize happiness

if sex is a loss in your relationship, give yourself time to adapt to being a new parent. When you feel ready, start to schedule close encounters. If you're on the low desire side, Fleming suggests giving priority to your own and your partner's happiness because you know that your entire family will benefit from the benefits of sex, from relaxation and better sleep to feeling happier overall. "[P]

" it's important to keep your inner sexy pilot light, "she said. [take] responsibility, see the opportunity to cheer yourself up before your partner goes home, let alone enter the bedroom. "

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4. Nagging doesn't make things better, and if you've been depressed by your partner, your libido may be reduced. This is one of the most common reasons that Fleming sees in practice for men's low libido, she said: "if men feel nagged as if they are 'not good enough', or feel their sexual behavior is criticized, or in some way fails to meet their partner's expectations, it may be a cold bath for their libido." Even when physiological factors are at work, such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, men experience related emotional complications, such as stress, anxiety, and shame, all of which exacerbate the problem of libido. In addition to solving any potential medical problems, we should work together to cope with sexual challenges, knowing that there are many ways to give and experience happiness, while compassion has a long way to go. "'foreplay 'means it comes earlier than other major events," according to Cyndi Darnell, a sex and relationship therapist in Melbourne, Australia. We have to change that. Touching and caressing the vulva is not foreplay. She added that women's pleasure and orgasm will be greatly reduced only if heterosexual partners consider the presence of penises during vaginal intercourse, because of the lack of clitoral stimulation. And the potential for less happiness may make sex less attractive to anyone. "

" expanding sexual activity, including her clitoris and the G-spot behind her clitoris, through the use of fingers or toys (where your penis may not be able to reach due to 'design features'), "she said," is a great way to make you a better lover and provide more happiness. " For you and her, "

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6. As you age, hormones change, and levels of the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone tend to fall. A drop in menopause related hormones can trigger vaginal dryness, making penetrating sex painful and less attractive. Low levels of hormones can also hinder desire and sexual function in penile patients. Fleming said that the initial symptoms of vascular, endocrine or nervous system diseases may first appear as changes in sexual response, "Fleming suggested physical examination for those with obvious desire changes. If you are hormone deficient, hormone therapy may help. Spending more time foreplay and using lubricants or vaginal lotions can also increase libido by reducing dryness and increasing excitement and pleasure.

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7. Try a libido friendly diet

to wake up requires healthy blood flow to your genitals, so if your diet lacks heart healthy food, your libido may also lack fuel. According to a study published in the American Journal of clinical nutrition in January 2013, eating more flavonoid rich foods, such as fruits and vegetables, is related to the lower incidence of erectile dysfunction. Another study linked a Mediterranean diet rich in similar foods to a reduction in menopausal symptoms. These factors are important, and looking at ed and menopause can help with the loss of libido.

in addition to regular doctor visits to check blood pressure and cholesterolIn addition, exercise regularly and aim for foods rich in improving blood flow, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, salmon, nuts and seeds.

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8. "Mindfulness is very important"

if you are as eager for sex as your partner, mindfulness may be exactly what the doctor requires. "If you're distracted by everything other than sex, you're less likely to crave or enjoy physical intimacy," Darnell said. It may feel relaxed, away from your normal environment, and make sure you've taken a bath. Desire is a state of mind as well as a feeling that can appear throughout the day, not just in bed at night with your pants off. " "

when you're apart, she suggests sending flirting text messages to your partner to keep your mind and build expectations." "The idea of sex is to slow things down," Darnell said. Having sex after a long time at work can make you feel rushed and tired, which is just another thing to do. "


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9. Communication is the key

when two kinds of sexual desire are different, people with higher desire will naturally take the initiative most often. But in fact, partners with lower libido control the relationship, Fleming says, whether they want to or not, by determining how often certain behaviors occur. "

" for partners with high sexual desire, I first suggest what kind of sexual behavior they communicate with their partners will help them feel (or experience), "she said. Generally speaking, partners with low sexual desire will think that their partners with high sexual desire only want to have sex, and may have sex with anyone. In 15 years of experience (as a sex therapist), I think it's almost completely untrue. " She added that most partners with higher libido only want to have sex with their partners. Through sex, they feel more connected. With less pressure to "make love for sex," your partner may feel more eager because they are also eager for the connection.

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10. Embracing masturbation if you want to improve your libido, taking time out for Solo will help. As we all know, masturbation can enhance sexual arousal and desire. It can remind you how good it is to have sex, discover new sexual impulses, and cultivate the habit of making time for your own happiness. A study published in the February 2013 issue of the Journal of sexual and marital therapy linked masturbation to women's increased likelihood of sexual arousal and orgasm. According to Fleming, masturbation can also ease the sexual tension of partners with higher sexual desire, making the difference less troublesome, but it can also aggravate the problem. " If the latter is true, talking to a sexual therapist will help to identify personalized options and strategies for the couple, "she said. Treatment can help you, whether you feel you can't handle the sexual differences in your relationship or just want to deepen the intimate relationship, under professional guidance, treatment can help you. "

" sex therapy can provide many, including personalized assessments and solutions for your particular situation and needs, "Fleming said, adding that seeking treatment means that you are" Crazy "or" indulgent "completely wrong. I've seen individuals and couples experience "Aha!" An instant of consultation and operable harvest. For most people who are ready to change and take action, 8 to 10 treatments can lead to significant growth and desired change. " For the best potential benefits, consult a qualified and experienced sex and relationship therapist.

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What do you think? How do you solve the problem of sexual desire? Different libido is common, and different strokes work for different people! What measures have you taken to balance things in the desire sector or to deal with obvious differences? Please let us know in the comments below.

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