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8 ways to judge whether you and your partner are compatible



tall, charming, interesting, intelligent, fulfilling, sharing your hobbies - we all have our own "wish list" in terms of dating. Rachel Pinde, a psychologist at the center for marriage and sexual health in South Florida, said these traits had little to do with compatibility or long-term well-being. In addition, compatibility is not all or all. It also exists in a continuum. "Again, your ideal match can change in your life because you've gone through new things and changed as a person," said matchcom of Kinsey Institute and Justin R. Garcia, a science consultant for assistant research scientists. This is also a reason why you should not overemphasize the traditional Mr. / Ms. right standard. So if compatibility is a mobile goal, how do you decide if someone is the best match for you now and in the future? Please keep reading some surprising clues.

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1. You love each other's bodies, and if you don't get choked up by the smell of his sweaty gym bag, that could be a good thing. " Our partner's scent may be one of the most intoxicating or offensive elixirs of immortality, "said Paul hokemeyer, a Manhattan marriage therapist. If you like the smell of your partner, your relationship is likely to last. "It's probably because our natural smell is related to the genetic makeup of our immune system - from an evolutionary perspective, we want to reach out to people who complement our biology and help us produce healthy offspring," said Justin Garcia, a researcher at Kinsey Institute. For example, a natural genetics study in 2002 found that women preferred the smell of men whose genes matched their fathers. Researchers believe it helps women choose partners who are born with a healthy gene. You talk like each other. It's not just what your date says, it's what he or she says. Research shows that people with similar communication styles are more likely to be compatible with each other, both in oral and in writing. For example, in a 2010 psychological science study, speed daters who spoke in similar language patterns were more likely to date again three months later on a second date. Language similarity can even predict the stability of the relationship more than the number of actual conversations between two people! Researchers believe that when we match our own language style with others, we will pay more attention to dialogue. At the same time, when someone talks to us in a similar way, it is easier for us to understand what he said and his intention. Both help build stronger relationships.

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3. You show the best in each other, of course, you are always loyal to yourself, but different relationships will show different characteristics in us - some good, some bad. So, what did your partner bring to you? What do you find in him or her? " "If you and your partner like how you perform in this relationship, it's a very good sign," said Ken page, a psychologist and author of deep dating. However, showing each other's strengths doesn't mean changing each other. " "It's a very different thing, not the feeling that in order to be loved and accepted, you have to adjust yourself," he said. This relationship may inspire you to be a better person. It may require difficult changes. But there is a basic sense of correctness in this relationship, which is a sign of compatibility. "

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4. You're in sync financially, love and money are tricky. But more important than how much money each of you makes is what each of you thinks is the right way to deal with it. " "Having a similar relationship with money will increase your compatibility in the long run," said Paul hokmayer, a marriage therapist. So if she pays for an expensive handbag and you worry about saving enough for a rainy day, your chances of success in love and life are slim. " In a 2012 study published in the journal family relations, researchers followed 4500 married couples and found that those who argued about money were more likely to divorce early in their relationship, regardless of their income, debt or net worth. More importantly, according to the study, money differences are the biggest predictor of divorce compared to any other conflict. You are all willing to work not only at work, but also in your relationship. "Every relationship has its problems," says psychologist Ken page. I'm not talking about stupid little problems. It's simple that our worst character flaws will show up in this relationship in time. A 2012 study published in the Journal of personality and social psychology found that couples who are willing to make sacrifices in their relationships have a firm commitment to work, to work hard and not to give up. They are the most harmonious couples and the most likely to achieve long-term success. Better to solve their problems, more likely to have a lasting and satisfying marriage.

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6. You're both working out, you don't have to go to the gym every day, you don't have to take healthy cooking classes, but if one of you is a healthy psychotherapist, Ken page, says, "nuts, if both of you are, that would be helpful." But more important than how often each of you exercises or eats vegetables is your personal and shared attitude to a healthy life. " "It's not just about sharing an event," page said. It's about sharing a positive, value based lifestyle and improving their lives. Sharing a sense of mission quietly every day helps to grow and deepen love. "Rewards: social and spousal support can improve your chances of success in a healthy life." You want the same thing, and now it's time to think about the cold, tough, scary future. University of California, Berkeley researchers Caroline PAP Cowen and Phil Cowen refer to their longitudinal study of first-time parents in their book, "when a partner becomes a parent: the big changes in couples' lives." They found that 100% of heterosexual couples with children, including ZhangHusbands don't want to be parents. They divorce when their children are six years old. Psychologist Rachel ned says it's important to understand your core values and what's important to you in the long run. Although compromise is a healthy part of any relationship, if your basic desires are not the same, then your life is not harmonious.

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8. Tammy Nelson, a psychotherapist and author of new monogamy, said: "you are a friend and a lover, and there are two relationships: friendship and lust. Friendship is a relationship, the ability of roommates, the ability to live together, the ability to travel as a couple in life. "Eroticism is where passion lives, where great sex takes place, where intimate, sacred relationships are built," she said. If you have a good partnership, if you are a good friend, make a good roommate, and you can lie on the sofa together, then you can get along well in this respect. If you have a good sex life, two orgasms regularly look for adventure in your intimate life by focusing on each other's happiness and exploring new and more exciting ways, then you are compatible. If you have both, you should marry that man today. "

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are you compatible? At the end of the day, though your interests, values, ways of communication, and even biology can make you more or less compatible with your spouse, partner, or date, the test of real rapport is endless, says Rachel Ned, a psychologist. Finding your ideal partner is a matter of trial and error. Justin R. Garcia, a researcher at Kinsey Institute, said: 'in every relationship, you learn what you want, what you need, and what resonates with others.

so tell us, in your own dating life, what are the biggest signs of compatibility? What are you looking for in your partner? Share your dating, relationship and marriage advice and experience in the comments section below so that others in the livestrong.com community can benefit from your wisdom!

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